Saturday.

So - just thought I'd pop in and say Hi!

I bought Monkey a potty yesterday and she is terrified of the thing. No idea why. If you ask her if she wants to go sit on the potty, she'll run to the big people potty - but if you put her on it, she screams. If you put her on her potty, she screams. If you take the seat off her potty and put it on the big people potty, she screams. What to do?????

Anyway - nothing else exciting. Still hoping you guys have some potty training tips.

Potty Training the Monkey

My hiatus ended up being a little longer than I intended, yet I still have nothing really interesting to share with you.

Well, other than the fact that Monkey may be ready to potty train - which is a little scary for me. When she poops now she'll tell me "eww" which is what I tell her when I have to change the diaper. And obviously, this is a sign that we should start potty training. I'm a little daunted by this task, for the simple fact that my mom didn't have to potty train my brother or me, so she has no idea as to how to go about doing so. My other hang up with this is that she thinks that we should get an actual potty chair, but the whole emptying the potty chair thing is disgusting to me. I wanted to get the children's seat that sits on the bigger seat, because I wouldn't have to empty the container. Flush, and we're done.

Meister says both of her girls did well with the seat, probably because they thought that they were some body because they were using the big potty. But Mom seems to think that this would be uncomfortable for Monkey - but I think I agree with Meister on this one, simply because I know that Monkey likes to do things she sees me do. She won't let me go to the bathroom by myself, so she's seen me on the potty and I think if I were to buy her a seat, that she would think she's big stuff sitting on the big potty like Mommy.

I have decided to start the project next week. I don't expect big results immediately - simply because I know she's a bit young to start potty training. So, I think I'm a bit ahead of the game here. But do any of you have any ideas for potty training the Monkey? I'm a bit in the dark here, and want some good pointers before I jump headlong into this project. Any tips, pointers or ideas would be much appreciated!!!

Also - I have an unspoken prayer request. Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers please?

Hiatus....

Taking a short hiatus this weekend.

You will return to your regularly scheduled blog on Sunday (and hopefully, I'll have some pictures and some thing interesting to tell you).

For Sale

**FYI: THIS IS JUST A JOKE - I AM IN NO WAY SERIOUS!!**

FOR SALE:
One 15 month old adorable baby girl. She is not potty trained, or self sufficient. You must be at her beck and call for the next 18 to 21 years or so. She can talk, and sleeps through the night. She is really cute!!! Occasionally she is very cranky, and throws tantrums. But she's REALLY cute. Picture follows!

Please call: 904-555-555 for more info!



But seriously though, I need a baby sitter Friday night. There is a function I want to attend, and can't bring Monkey. Know anybody good???

That Man

The donor. Monkey's biological father. I am currently at my wit's end about him. He provides no type of support for her, in fact wants nothing to do with her. When I refused to have the abortion, he said that it would be a long, hard road for me - but he would help out where he could. We agreed then that I would not put him on child support so long as he spent time with her and provided things she needed. This worked out well - for about 2 months. Monkey is now 15 months old and since her birth he has given me maybe $200 for her care. He did buy $20 worth of baby food and 2 jumbo diapers.... when she was about 4 months old (I have since applied for child support - but the state is taking FOREVER). He was in jail when she was born, and the Department of Vital statistics rep said that I could not even so much as list him on her birth certificate with out him being present. He still has not changed that. I gave her my last name because it seemed that he had abandoned us anyway. After he got out of jail, he was adamant that I change her last name to his and I made it clear that he would need to do so - I would not. I wanted him to prove his worth of her. He has two other amazing daughters who he sees almost daily. He is a wonderful father to them, and loves them both dearly. Here, Ladies and Gentleman, is my problem. Those girls get to know their father, get to spend time with him and have a relationship with him. Why can't my daughter have the same? Those first couple months of her life I would call him daily and take her to see him. I always said to him, I'll bring her to you and pick her up, just let me know when you want her. I got really busy for a week, right after Monkey turned 3months old, I was looking for a job and had a few interviews lined up. After that week was over, I realized that he had not called me once to see her. So - instead of calling him, I decided to wait another week to see if he would call. The week passed and he didn't call. I realized then, that I was pushing her on him. I had decided before she was born that I would not chase behind him and make him do right by her, and meant it. So I called him and explained that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to make an effort. He needed to call me and let me know when he wanted to see her. My offer still stood, I'd take her to him and pick her up. All he needed to do was let me know when he wanted to see her. A month went by and besides me calling him to ask for diapers, baby food, or money for day care - we didn't hear from him. Another month went by - and I stopped calling. He wasn't calling anyway. I was supporting her on my own and didn't need to beg him for what little money he could give me anyway. We argued a few times - about money, about him not spending time with her, about the injustice of it all. Halloween came and he took his other two daughters trick or treating in our parent's neighborhood. Ladies and Gentleman, he walked right by me (I had already taken Monkey home and put her to bed) and didn't even so much as blink. Nothing. Not "How was her first Halloween?" "Where is Monkey?" "Kiss Monkey for me." NADA. Her 1st birthday came around and I called to let him know about the plans - to invite him. He said he wouldn't be coming. He didn't want to deal with my family. We argued again. This time because I wanted to make it clear to him that this was about our daughter, not him, not me, not either of our families. He obviously didn't go for it because he didn't show up. His parents and sisters did - they even brought his other two children and his girlfriend's son (which I am a little upset about - but I digress...) A couple days later I called him again - I was livid. He had missed her birthday, all her 1st year milestones, and still hadn't even called to tell her Happy Birthday. An argument ensued - and he said he didn't want to talk to me. Three months later I've spoken to him twice and he wont budge. I'm torn, because I feel I've done all I can with out losing my sanity, but I feel like I should do more. Monkey is eventually going to ask questions and I'm not sure I can trust myself to be a decent person and not bash him. I don't think its fair that the other two children get to know him and have a relationship with him, but my daughter does not. She wouldn't know him from Adam if she saw him. What do I do? Do I keep trying to contact him for my daughters sake? Or do I leave it alone and hope like hell she doesn't ask questions one day? Help me out.... I'm lost....

A nice Indian boy.

Friday afternoon, Monkey and I paid a visit to my Trinidadian Mother and Grandmother. It was overall a good visit - but I must share part of the visit with you. I'm sincerely amazed with myself for bringing one of our subjects of discussion up - and then whole-heartedly deciding to submit my self to said topic.

Upon a conversation with a sweet Guyanese girl I know - I found out that since her mother passed, her father has been actively trying to find a nice Indian boy for her to marry. How you ask? Well, he put her on an Indian matrimonial website. She suggested that I submit myself to my elders and let them to the same for me so I could be "tortured" as she was. It's sort of a modern twist on arranged marriage. One of the prospective bride/grooms elders puts a picture and short bio on the site and then lists themselves as the contact. The elders contact each other and set up a meeting so that the families can meet, and the two young people can meet, and get a general feel for each other. From there, the prospective bride and grooms families either continue deliberations or don't. You get the general idea, yes? Ok. Well, I brought this up to my Trini mother, and then half-jokingly, half-seriously suggested that she do the same for me. Then a conversation ensued regarding the necessary qualities that the nice indian boy should have. Here is our list as it stands.

Nice Indian boy qualities:
1. He and his family must be Christian. I will not become Hindu, and will not marry a Hindu man because if we have children, they will not be raised as Hindus.
2. He must know that I have a child and that she is my WORLD. He must agree to treat her as his own, because if he can not love her, I can not love him.
3. He must be between 25 and 30. This is the perfect age range for me, because by this age surely the prospective groom has figured out what he wants in life and is ready to have a partner to share these things with. Over 30, the age difference is too much.
4. He must be American born or have come to the states at a young age. This way, he is used to the American way of thinking and American ways of life. In this way, he will have his parents morals, but not necessarily their views on all things.
5. He must be tolerant of tattoos. I have 6 and am NOT willing to have them lasered off my body.
6. He should be Trinidadian. This is my Trinidadian grandmother's rule. Not sure why, but for now, it sounds fine.
7. His parents must live in the states. Trinidad and Guyana are expensive to travel to and I can not afford to go back and forth several times a year.
8. He must have a big family and be very family oriented. The big family is optional, but he must be family oriented. My family is large and I love all of them dearly. I would like the same qualities in my husband-to-be.

There may have been other requirements, but I can't remember them. (Ma, you're welcome to help me out in remembering here.....)

In this way, I'll find a husband whom my family likes, and will be a nice boy. Besides, I won't have to do much of the work at all. Ma has agreed to be the contact, and will put me on the site. When ever she should find the time.

Can you think of any qualities that my nice Indian boy should have??? What do you think about this??? Comment or email me.

Happy Sunday Loves!

This sucks, but I wouldn't take it any other way.

I've finally realized that being a single parent truly sucks.

I work nights so that Monkey doesn't have to go to day care and so that I know that she is well cared for when she is not with me. The other major reason that I work nights is because well, I just plain can't afford day care. I was trying to work on a plan the other night so that I can move back out of my mom's house, and live on my own. I ran into quite a few obstacles.

First, I realized that I really can't afford more than a one bedroom apartment. Which is not SO bad, just means that Monkey and I would be crammed into a bedroom. Then it dawned on me that as long as I'm depending on some one I live with to watch Monkey, I can never live on my own because of my crazy work schedule. So then I thought about trying to switch back to a day shift position and found my self back at the day care dilemma. If I work during the day, who's going to watch her? Would they watch her for free? Because if not, then I cant live on my own and I'd basically be working to put her in day care. No matter what I do, I simply am stuck in the situation I'm in.

Now, lets say I WAS receiving child support (I can only dream and wish that this might one day come to pass). Even 2 or 3 hundred a month would seriously cut down on the amount that I'd have to pay for child care and would possibly allow me to work day shift again. But, I've realized that child support from the donor may NEVER happen. He doesn't have a job, hasn't had one since I was about 4 months pregnant (Monkey is now 15 months old). Not only that, child support is going to be a long process through the state since he is not on her birth certificate (long story, though please know I would have put him on it had the hospital allowed me to). Not only that, they dropped my case the last time I asked for support saying that I was non-cooperative. They hadn't even sent me any letters asking for information, so I'm still not sure why they dropped my case. It may have something to do with the fact that one of his aunts works for Child support. Well that's my theory anyway. I have since re-applied for child support and am waiting on them to send me another packet.

But let us be perfectly clear - I enjoy every moment I am blessed to spend with my happy, healthy 15 month old. I love that I can spend all day with her and her last 2 1/2 waking hours of the day are spent with my parents. I am in no way saying that I do not enjoy her or that I do not love her. I am simply saying that this sucks, though I wouldn't take it any other way. I get to parent her the way I feel she should be parented, I do not have to compromise with any one on anything when it comes to raising her little butt.

I have an awesome family who always rally around us when things are hard or even when things are just a bit uneasy. Because of them I've never truly felt the worst hardships of single parenting. I do still experience the occasional "It is nearly impossible to do this alone" break downs, but - they don't last long because as I've stated, my family rallies around us and the burden is eased, if not lifted. But - I do not rely on them for financial support and try to reject it as often as possible. Her financial support is solely my responsibility - I brought her into this world and will provide for her no matter what the cost is. Thus the situation I'm in.

So, yes....

This single parenting thing sucks, but.....

I wouldn't take it any other way.

Monkey tantrums and language skills

I was so sick yesterday. So that's why there was no update. I threw up all day, and had horrible diarrhea. (You wanted to know that, I know, that's why I shared - You're welcome!). Whatever it was seems to have been a 24 hour thing because I'm fine now. Monkey didn't get it, so it's all good.

I really need to make plans to see all of you - Monkey is already growing up so fast. She's starting to understand (and follow through with) basic commands and reward systems. Like the other night we were trying to get her to put some clothes on (she likes to run around in just a diaper, sans clothes) and she wanted some gummy bears. Gigi told her to come see me to get some clothes on and then she could have some candy. The little monster came and found me in her room and as soon as she had some clothes on, she ran back to Gigi. Its awesome. Now if I could just get her to understand that throwing a tantrum is the quickest way to irritate me, everything would be perfect.

And don't you sit there, shaking your head at me like "No, Monkey is perfect, she doesn't throw tantrums. She just can't be capable. She's a little angel." Cause, let me tell you what, she's not, and she does. I'll have to get a video of one and post it for you - I think they're hilariously cute and usually laugh at her - which seems to upset her even more. But they're tantrums none the less and must be dealt with accordingly. I try to ignore her when she throws them - simply because I don't want her to think that she can throw a fit and get what she wants. Gigi's on the plan, but it's going to take a bit of work to get Babu on board. He seems to think every time she even so much as whimpers that he should go running to her to find out what's wrong. She takes advantage of it too. So - it's some thing that we're going to have to work on.

As of today here's the list of things the little Monkey can say:
no, yeah, go, down, nose, eyes, ears, belly, juice, ow, hii-yah (don't ask, but do know I had nothing to do with it) monkey, baby, hello, babu, gigi, mama, shoe, bath, done (she also signs all done), fishy.....
I think that's it. There may be more - but I simply can not remember them all. All the body parts that she can say, she can also show you where they are.

Weekend Update!

SoOoOo...

My weekend was uneventful. As usual.

I did some major cleaning Sunday night and may have breathed a few too many Mr. Clean fumes.

I also did some catching up on some of the blogs I read and read that one of the ladies new born baby girl was born with a cehalocele. Basically a defect where the child's skull did not fuse all the way and sometimes there can be parts of the brain in the fluid filled tumor. Luckily, there was no brain in the tumor and can be remedied by surgery. She's distraught by the idea of her newborn undergoing surgery - quite understandably. I realized then just how LUCKY I am to have been blessed with a completely healthy baby girl.

Oh - and the poll has been closed so now the little one's new blog nick name is Monkey. I must now announce that the Monkey is completely self sufficient. Well - she thinks she is anyway. She WILL NOT eat if she can't feed herself. I also realized this weekend that the majority of her frustration and crying comes from her trying to communicate what she wants and us not being able to understand her. So I have decided to commit myself to learning more sign language and teaching it to her, thus saving us both some frustration. She was given a Baby Einsteins First Signs dvd by Aunt Pearly for Christmas, so I'll be putting that to use.

Suzie Ma and her mother are in town until Saturday so we'll be going to visit them this week while they're here. Suzie also reminded me that I am now legal and don't need any type of parental permission to go and visit other countries *cough, Trinidad* *cough, Guyana*. So I'll be looking into my passport soon and seeing what I can do to get that in motion. Now to find someone to go to Guyana with me.... Hmmm.... Any volunteers????

For your viewing pleasure....

Back to Two.

So - its back to just me and the little one again. Boyfriend Crazy, who is now the ex, left today.

It was weird going home. Things were much quieter and seemed odd. I know its because he became a part of our daily routine and now he's not part of it. Things are just weird. I have a knot in my stomach and I know that its irrational and will go away, but I dont like it.

Anyway - not much new with the two of us. Except that we're putting the little one back on milk. Seems it is not the cause of her poo issues, so back to milk.

She's such an amazing little person. I'm truly blessed to have her.

Closer.

There's a couple things open that need to be updated sooooo here you go.

First - Have you voted??? Do so. Now. Please and Thank you.

Second - We went to the pediatrician today - Baby Crazy does NOT have diabetes or hypo/hyperglycemia. Good. She still is not pooping on her own and so we're going to keep her on milk of magnesia. Bad. I hate giving her a laxative every day. She got a couple shots she was due for and was generally unhappy about them. But she finally weighs 20lbs. So she gained like a pound and some thing since November. Woo-hoo!

Third - I finally figured out the situation with the boyfriend. I decided that it wasn't worth it for either of us to stay in the relationship. I'm not happy and its not fair to him to be in a relationship with some one who doesn't love him the way he should be. So - I called it quits today. He took it pretty hard and made me feel pretty bad, but for the first time, I was firm and stood my ground instead of giving in.

Lastly - Can you people comment??? I know you're reading! I've even opened up the comments so that you can comment anonymously. So please do so. I'd love to hear from you. Besides, if you had a blog then I'd leave you some love. Really, I would.

Update.

Well - we didn't get in to see the pediatrician today. I called around 9 and they were already slammed for the day. So I set up an appointment for tomorrow morning at 9:15.

The head nurse said something about having to "bag" her. I had no idea what she was talking about so like the village idiot I am I said "Ok" and then made sure I didn't have make Baby fast. I talked to Mom later and asked her what the nurse had meant and she proceeded to tell me that she thinks the nurse meant giving the baby a catheter.......

My poor baby. I feel horrible now. Especially since if I'm just over-reacting I'll have made her go through a catheter for NO REASON. I almost don't want to take her now. I know I need to, but I don't want to.

So..... I'll update after the appointment.

Pictures, for your viewing pleasure!

Poll

is up. Its on the side bar under About Me.

Vote!!!!

If it aint one thing....

its another.... Really....

Yesterday I went in to wake up the baby from her nap - and she was CRANKY and seriously shaky. I mentioned it to Mom and decided to give her some juice and a snack - after the snack she was fine.

Then - 230am this morning apparently she woke up screaming like she was terrified and was shaking badly. Mom said she seemed a little shaky - Mom gave her some peanut butter and some orange juice and she was fine and went back to sleep.

What does this all sound like??? DING DING! YOU GOT IT! Sounds like her sugar levels dropping.

So I'm calling the pediatrician tomorrow to see if we can get her in and convince him to test her sugar. I'm concerned because diabetes runs in both my maternal and paternal sides - and it also runs in her dad's family - maternal and paternal.

I spoke with one of my Aunts today because her daughter has type 1 diabetes and I wanted to see if she had any info or anything that I should be looking for. I found out some interesting info - and also found out that SOME poo issues can be related to diabetes. Huh. Who knew?

Anyway - I'll be updating tomorrow and letting you all know how it went.

Thanks again to Aunt Neesie for the WONDERFUL info! AWESOMENESS!!!

Also - from here on out, I am changing the baby's nickname on this blog 'Baby Crazy' is too much to write and I almost always type it wrong or forget part of it.... I'm going to put up a poll so you can vote =) So vote and let me know what you think it should be for blog purposes.

Oh - I got my hair cut the other day too.... Read all about it here. I will post a pic for you too.