That Man

The donor. Monkey's biological father. I am currently at my wit's end about him. He provides no type of support for her, in fact wants nothing to do with her. When I refused to have the abortion, he said that it would be a long, hard road for me - but he would help out where he could. We agreed then that I would not put him on child support so long as he spent time with her and provided things she needed. This worked out well - for about 2 months. Monkey is now 15 months old and since her birth he has given me maybe $200 for her care. He did buy $20 worth of baby food and 2 jumbo diapers.... when she was about 4 months old (I have since applied for child support - but the state is taking FOREVER). He was in jail when she was born, and the Department of Vital statistics rep said that I could not even so much as list him on her birth certificate with out him being present. He still has not changed that. I gave her my last name because it seemed that he had abandoned us anyway. After he got out of jail, he was adamant that I change her last name to his and I made it clear that he would need to do so - I would not. I wanted him to prove his worth of her. He has two other amazing daughters who he sees almost daily. He is a wonderful father to them, and loves them both dearly. Here, Ladies and Gentleman, is my problem. Those girls get to know their father, get to spend time with him and have a relationship with him. Why can't my daughter have the same? Those first couple months of her life I would call him daily and take her to see him. I always said to him, I'll bring her to you and pick her up, just let me know when you want her. I got really busy for a week, right after Monkey turned 3months old, I was looking for a job and had a few interviews lined up. After that week was over, I realized that he had not called me once to see her. So - instead of calling him, I decided to wait another week to see if he would call. The week passed and he didn't call. I realized then, that I was pushing her on him. I had decided before she was born that I would not chase behind him and make him do right by her, and meant it. So I called him and explained that if he wanted to be a part of her life, he needed to make an effort. He needed to call me and let me know when he wanted to see her. My offer still stood, I'd take her to him and pick her up. All he needed to do was let me know when he wanted to see her. A month went by and besides me calling him to ask for diapers, baby food, or money for day care - we didn't hear from him. Another month went by - and I stopped calling. He wasn't calling anyway. I was supporting her on my own and didn't need to beg him for what little money he could give me anyway. We argued a few times - about money, about him not spending time with her, about the injustice of it all. Halloween came and he took his other two daughters trick or treating in our parent's neighborhood. Ladies and Gentleman, he walked right by me (I had already taken Monkey home and put her to bed) and didn't even so much as blink. Nothing. Not "How was her first Halloween?" "Where is Monkey?" "Kiss Monkey for me." NADA. Her 1st birthday came around and I called to let him know about the plans - to invite him. He said he wouldn't be coming. He didn't want to deal with my family. We argued again. This time because I wanted to make it clear to him that this was about our daughter, not him, not me, not either of our families. He obviously didn't go for it because he didn't show up. His parents and sisters did - they even brought his other two children and his girlfriend's son (which I am a little upset about - but I digress...) A couple days later I called him again - I was livid. He had missed her birthday, all her 1st year milestones, and still hadn't even called to tell her Happy Birthday. An argument ensued - and he said he didn't want to talk to me. Three months later I've spoken to him twice and he wont budge. I'm torn, because I feel I've done all I can with out losing my sanity, but I feel like I should do more. Monkey is eventually going to ask questions and I'm not sure I can trust myself to be a decent person and not bash him. I don't think its fair that the other two children get to know him and have a relationship with him, but my daughter does not. She wouldn't know him from Adam if she saw him. What do I do? Do I keep trying to contact him for my daughters sake? Or do I leave it alone and hope like hell she doesn't ask questions one day? Help me out.... I'm lost....

This sucks, but I wouldn't take it any other way.

I've finally realized that being a single parent truly sucks.

I work nights so that Monkey doesn't have to go to day care and so that I know that she is well cared for when she is not with me. The other major reason that I work nights is because well, I just plain can't afford day care. I was trying to work on a plan the other night so that I can move back out of my mom's house, and live on my own. I ran into quite a few obstacles.

First, I realized that I really can't afford more than a one bedroom apartment. Which is not SO bad, just means that Monkey and I would be crammed into a bedroom. Then it dawned on me that as long as I'm depending on some one I live with to watch Monkey, I can never live on my own because of my crazy work schedule. So then I thought about trying to switch back to a day shift position and found my self back at the day care dilemma. If I work during the day, who's going to watch her? Would they watch her for free? Because if not, then I cant live on my own and I'd basically be working to put her in day care. No matter what I do, I simply am stuck in the situation I'm in.

Now, lets say I WAS receiving child support (I can only dream and wish that this might one day come to pass). Even 2 or 3 hundred a month would seriously cut down on the amount that I'd have to pay for child care and would possibly allow me to work day shift again. But, I've realized that child support from the donor may NEVER happen. He doesn't have a job, hasn't had one since I was about 4 months pregnant (Monkey is now 15 months old). Not only that, child support is going to be a long process through the state since he is not on her birth certificate (long story, though please know I would have put him on it had the hospital allowed me to). Not only that, they dropped my case the last time I asked for support saying that I was non-cooperative. They hadn't even sent me any letters asking for information, so I'm still not sure why they dropped my case. It may have something to do with the fact that one of his aunts works for Child support. Well that's my theory anyway. I have since re-applied for child support and am waiting on them to send me another packet.

But let us be perfectly clear - I enjoy every moment I am blessed to spend with my happy, healthy 15 month old. I love that I can spend all day with her and her last 2 1/2 waking hours of the day are spent with my parents. I am in no way saying that I do not enjoy her or that I do not love her. I am simply saying that this sucks, though I wouldn't take it any other way. I get to parent her the way I feel she should be parented, I do not have to compromise with any one on anything when it comes to raising her little butt.

I have an awesome family who always rally around us when things are hard or even when things are just a bit uneasy. Because of them I've never truly felt the worst hardships of single parenting. I do still experience the occasional "It is nearly impossible to do this alone" break downs, but - they don't last long because as I've stated, my family rallies around us and the burden is eased, if not lifted. But - I do not rely on them for financial support and try to reject it as often as possible. Her financial support is solely my responsibility - I brought her into this world and will provide for her no matter what the cost is. Thus the situation I'm in.

So, yes....

This single parenting thing sucks, but.....

I wouldn't take it any other way.

Soooo here it is =)

So I was reminded (read: reprimanded) yesterday about this blog. My aunt sent me an e-mail reminding me that I've been neglecting this poor thing. I suppose she's right - I have been. But in my defense - I was on vacation and - I try to post daily to my other blog.

Anyway....

Hmmm. Goings-on in our lives.....

Like I said - I took a short vacation this past weekend and went up to Redstone Arsenal, Alabama with the Bestie. We had a good time - sans kids. Missed the kid horribly, but managed to have a good time anyway. While I was away the Baby Crazy started doing more amazing stuff that I don't get to witness because it's all part of her evening/bedtime routine. But I'll share - because I'm not greedy. Apparently after dinner when they take her out of her high-chair she pushes it back to the wall where it lives. If you ask her if she's ready to take a bath she runs to the bathroom door (which is always shut) and removes her clothes. Also - if she's in her room playing and you're not there she'll come and get you and drag you by the finger and take you to her room. She's also started saying "Hello" every time she hears the front door close. Its hilarious! No more teeth yet - which I'm a little concerned about, but I suppose I wont worry about it until we see the pediatrician next - which may be soon if we can't get her off the milk of magnesia.

I got home and she was all snuggly and cuddly for like 2.5 seconds - but I suppose that's normal for her.

Oh - I did my taxes! Ok - so Mom did them, I watched her. Have you started getting your stuff together for yours???? Hmm??? Might want to get on that then. Lol.

Sooooo yeah. There it is. Thats all thats going on right now. I'll write more later/tomorrow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

May you and those you hold close find 2009 filled with happiness, healthiness, and prosperity!!!!

I don't have any resolutions for 2009 - I never seem to keep them anyway. But I do have a small list of things that I WILL do to be found here.

I'm uber excited about dinner at Mom's tonight - neck bones, collard greens, black eyed peas and rice...... I'll probably gorge and then pass out. But - its a meal I don't have often, and absolutely ADORE!

Anyway, Happy new year all!