Why I'm happy to be a Single Mother

Instead of being incredibly bitter about the situation that Monkey's biological has put us in by deciding to be an absent parent - I've decided to see the positive in the situation.

I don't have to co-parent with anyone. All decisions regarding raising Monkey are made by me - and only me. I get to decide when she potty trains. I get to decide when she does everything. I don't have to check with another parent about anything.

I get to take all the credit when she does anything amazing (the flip side to this situation is anything that she does wrong is also a reflection on me - but oh well.) I get to take credit for the fact that she is an incredibly HAPPY little girl. And incredibly smart.

I'm the person she cries for when she's hurt, unhappy, and all of the various other things that children need their parents for. It still melts my heart every time she says "Mamao" (because my child is strange, and calls me Mamao, instead of mama or mommy).

I'll be the person thats there for her through everything. And I hope that later in life that I'll be the person that she comes to when she wants to talk about things. I want to be her mom and her confidant. Much like my mom has become my friend.

edited to add: Just wanted to update about my lump - it turned out to be an ingrown hair after all - so no worries! Yay!!!

Psalms 91

A while back, I had seen a car with a license plate that had "PSALM91" on it. Two days before, I had a dream - all I can remember from the dream is that I was looking for something, and that Psalm 91 kept coming up. So I called Meister to see what Psalm 91 was about (I will admit that for being part of a very Christian family - in fact, my Papa pastored a church for as long as I can remember, I do not know much of the scripture.) She gave me a general idea.

I went home and looked it up.

Psalm 91

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^a]">[a]

² I will say ^b]">[b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

And instantly, I knew why I had had the dream. At the time I was involved in a relationship that I needed protection from. I could not save myself from myself and this helped me. Helped me to regain the strength I needed to step away from the relationship and demand the respect that I deserve.

Today, on my way to work, I saw the same car, with the same license plate. Obviously a sign. I started thinking about it and realized I am again, in need of His protection because I have strayed onto a path that I should not be on. I have once again backslid and forgotten that it is by His grace I have the things I have, am blessed to have the family I do, and am blessed to have the child I do.